Married at First Sight Recap: Episode 10

Up until now, the week seems really long as I (Aminda) anxiously anticipate the next MAFS episode. Like, I almost want to wait until it’s all over so I can binge watch it, and avoid the anticipation. This week was different though… knowing what was coming my eagerness turned to dread.

Expert Rachel concisely sums it this episode by pointing out that as couple’s settle into domestic routines, this can escalate the connection they are feeling and make it feel like a marriage, or make their little concerns feel overwhelming.

Overwhelming is the perfect way to describe Nick and Sonia’s awkward attempts at creating some domestic routines, like sharing breakfast, but those little efforts don’t seem to be going very far to bridge the great divide that is Sonia’s discomfort with Nick’s dogs. Sonia extends a major olive branch by inviting a trainer over to act as a neutral party in helping Sonia gain confidence and control around the dogs. This is a smart move and while Nick seems appreciative, he frustratingly makes it about him and feeling good to have “shared leadership responsibilities.” Instead of seeing, as Sonia says, that “this girl is really trying.”

Derek and Heather return – giving us a new and interesting perspective. In the past, couples who choose divorce on decision day, return for one quick “Six Months Later” episode and that’s the last we hear from them. Now we’re getting a glimpse into the aftermath of this short, intense experiment.

Now, I’ve totally defended Heather for doing what she needs to do, and I stand by that. But… it’s frustrating to hear her so bitter about Derek’s “below the belt name calling” of her being on a “high horse and acting like she’s in the 1940’s.” I mean, really? Seriously?  Those are horrible, irreconcilable insults? Dr. Pepper gracefully corrects her by pointing out that there is a different between honesty and cruelty. Because in nobody’s reality can “high horse” be considered cruel.

In her interview on Unfiltered, Heather commented that she thinks “Derek came in wanting to make it work with no matter who they put in front of him.” Proving what we’ve already guessed – she is Missing. The. Whole. Point.

Dr. Pepper wisely points out to Derek that she wouldn’t want to see him put in a situation where he wouldn’t be treated like he should be treated. From that perspective, Heather made the right call. Jamie Otis, season one participant who is still married, offered a great insider perspective on Heather’s decision

Married At First Sight: From One MAFS Bride To Another (And Giving You Another Perspective On Heather)

OK, what we really need right now is barefoot Tom hacking open a fresh coconut and casually mixing up a cocktail. It looks so much like his normal routine, almost like he just picked the coconut off the ground came from his own tree. If so, I’m kinda jealous. But not. Is having coconuts worth the risk of falling coconuts?

Tom’s surf bum style is a nice refreshing break from the drama. I’m craving coconut water. And spring. Definitely spring break.


Lovely Lilly just lets him have his outside time, knowing Tom is fully content, sipping and savoring his coconut while puttering around the patio. I love how she’s so confident that he’s just going to hang out there forever – at least long enough for her to have an uninterrupted chat with Tom’s brother about birthday party plans. Plans that include a last minute deep cleaning of the house, which has Tom baffled about her random spring cleaning craze. Lilly should have told him she was nesting.  But what a great guy to go along with it and such a fun, cooperative attitude instead of getting whiny.

Their conversation about poop was amazing and made me thankful that Josh and I have never had a home with only one bathroom, because a poop emergency really could happen! Love that Lilly just rolled with it and was so accommodating about finding a policy that would ensure nobody poops their pants. Good call – pants pooping is definitely not healthy in marriage.

Funny that Tom also jokes about Lilly’s dutch oven policy – because across town, that’s kinda what Nick is turning into – a fetid, obnoxious explosion. We feel a slow buildup as he explains how Sonia has shut down or walked away from past conflict, causing him to be more hesitant to open up (creating a vicious cycle), and that he’s “reassessing the situation” as they go… whatever that means, it doesn’t sound very optimistic.

The downward spiral of doom quickly turns ugly. I couldn’t even keep up. And don’t even really want to recap the conversation because it was Just. So. Sad. Glad I didn’t have any bets placed on these two, because I would have lost. They are so cute, what happened?

And here comes the emotional rollercoaster as Tom and Lilly revel  in a huge birthday love fest and the tears of sadness I’ve been choking back, slip out as tears of joy. Thanks Tilly for giving us a reason to return next week!


Married at First Sight Episode 8 Recap

So if this was the Bachelor, this episode might be hyped as the “most dramatic week yet”. It’s not the Bachelor (yay!) but there was still plenty of drama. We’re kept hanging for the Derek and Heather drama we all want to see.

Instead we start with the most dramatically confusing intro ever. Tom takes the dog for a walk. When he gets back, Lilly is gone and not responding to his text. We’re expecting her to show up all cheery and with coffee and bagels. Because that’s what we’re used to happening in RomComs. Couple has a one night stand. Girl wakes up to find guy not there. Girl panics, then breathes huge sigh of relief to find him downstairs making omelets and scones.

Turns out, Lilly’s been at a doctor’s appointment. Obviously Tom didn’t know in advance that Lilly had a doctor appointment, but the timing was still odd. Does Tom walk the dog for hours? If so, then he shouldn’t be surprised that Lilly gets tired of waiting and leaves. Or did Lilly have the shortest doctor’s appointment in history? I mean, it looked like she showed up right after he returned with the dog. Did she really drive round trip and have the appointment in the same time as a quick dog walk? So many questions, I could barely focus on the following conversation.

Lilly has found out that will require shoulder surgery, which sends her into a panic, not about the surgery, but about what it will mean to her relationship with Tom. Can she rely on him to support her during such a tough time? Will he balk at having to care for her so much, so soon?

Then it was so weird that expert Rachel suddenly arrived when Lilly is still in her PJ’s, as if Rachel is there for an emergency visit to counsel Lilly. But Rachel also visits Sonia and Nick, describing it as an “intimacy visit,” so it must have been pre-planned.

While we’re still pondering these deep thoughts, pastor Calvin throws us a curveball.

“Do Derek and Heather wish to abandon their commitment?”

Ummm… is that a trick question? Sure hope not, but I don’t know. Aren’t you supposed to tell us? That’s kind of why we’re all watching this week. Do we get to find out now, or do we have to wait another 40 minutes? Or will there be another cliff hanger? (that would be a pretty desperate move).

And the final answer is… Yes. Yes, Heather wishes to abandon her commitment. And we will never get to see these two ride their cute coordinating cruiser bikes to the beach together. We’ll never get to see them reveal their salaries on national TV or find out what happened to those mugs they left back at the honeymoon hotel.

Instead, Derek and Heather part ways with a cursory “good luck.”

But, optimistic expert Rachel reminds that we still have two couples. Can’t really say how happy they are, because Sonia and Nick are still debriefing the previous night’s fight. These two are some expert debriefers.

This time, Nick is going to take some action, dang it. He plans a very nice date with Sonia’s favorite flower and lots of wine. “We’re going to do a little wine tasting, maybe get a little drunk.”

Seriously, that was a lot of wine. And no one was clearing the table of those empty glasses. (unless production though having 20 glasses on the table would be a nice visual) But it still wasn’t enough wine to bring on the whoopee. Whomp, whomp.

But seriously, sex isn’t going to happen if Sonia keeps haven’t sleep with the dog. Didn’t Dr. Pepper address that last week? Here comes expert Rachel to try a different approach.

Just when we thought these two couldn’t get any more awkward… here comes a totally cringeworthy explanation about why Nick hasn’t DTD with Sonia. He is clearly choosing his words carefully (knowing Sonia will be watching this conversation someday) and mumbling something vague about previous flings and being able to choose them upfront and having a attraction right away. Ouch.

At least Rachel gives him some practical advice to “open up about your lack of openness.” At least that gives him something to work with, instead of just being pushed to “open up.”

I’m going to jump waaaaay ahead hear, because this scene almost feels like foreshadowing to the preview for next week’s episode where Nick finally loses it about being told to open up. (saw that one coming) Seriously, my heart sank to hear Nick saying “I don’t like her, I’m not attracted to her.” Ugh. I’m kinda dreading the next episode now. I’ve rewatched, trying to figure out if maybe, hopefully, it was pulled out of context… but it sure doesn’t seem like it. It feels especially out of left field after the high note that this episode left these this couple. After a cozy threeway snuggle fest with a therapist, Sonia says she feels “ like I could have sex with my husband right now. Maybe it will happen tonight.”

I’m going to have a bottle of wine and box of tissue ready for the next episode. Between watching Nick’s confession and watching Derek have to tell his mom that the marriage is over… I just don’t know if I’m emotionally prepared for that. We catch a glimpse of Derek easing his way back into his old life and it’s already heartbreaking. “Maybe I’m supposed to be along. What was it about me that was so bad, so unbearable that she wanted to quit and walk away so soon?”

mafs He obviously can’t feel like that anymore, with hundreds of women in the Twittersphere swooning over him and planning Spring Break in Miami.

Messy Marriage

Married at First Sight Recap: Episode 7

This episode, For Better or for Worse, starts out with the worse. Derek is doing the Face Time walk of shame with his BFF. Instead of bragging about chemistry, adventure and romance on his honeymoon, he’s confessing fighting, silent treatment and rejection.

Expert Rachel is optimistic and hopeful, Derek doesn’t want to quit… but Heather is still struggling. At first she gets a sympathetic ear from her friend Amber, but then Amber quickly gives her some tough love.  “You cannot walk away from him.” And “do you think there’s anything you could have done differently?” Heather seems to take this to heart, as she actually says that the best thing that could happen would be “staying married to this man,” which is a total 180 from the place she was in the last day at the honeymoon.

The other couples are basically on an episode of “The Marriage Ref”, (a fun  show that only lasted a couple seasons, where couples had a team of celebrities determine which one of them was right and wrong in a disagreement.) Dr. Pepper is making house calls to serve as the “Ref.” (Great to see Dr. Pepper, she’s the best!)

First up are Nick and Sonia who are disagreeing about several things. First on the stand is their lack of physical intimacy. Nick argues that the physical side will, and should, come organically. Nick also defines intimacy as being close enough to read each other’s mind. Does he realize that to know someone that well, you actually have to talk to them first? Like, you can’t just skip the talking and jump to mind reading. Anyway, I digress. Sonia would like more physical intimacy, and for Nick to use touch to express his care. (Instead of cleaning the kitchen… which she might not want to complain about, because she’ll probably appreciate that in the future, am I right?)

In this case, the winner is Sonia. Dr. Pepper is gentle on Nick, giving them some homework to help them get used to being a little more affectionate with each other. I LOVE how they both took notes in their meeting with Dr. Pepper. Because that’s the kind of nerdy thing I would do, I write everything down.

Sonia was also the winner of the great dog debate. Well, actually it was kind of a tie, because the dogs are still living there, but at least Nick was quick to concede that the dogs would no longer sleep with them. Though really should never have been a deliberation. Sonia made it clear that the bed was where she drew the line on sharing a home with dogs.

Tom and Lilly are cooking and cleaning and acting like an old married couple… until a conversation about procreation reminds everyone that two weeks into the relationship is too soon for this conversation.  And in this episode of “The Marriage Ref”, I vote for a tie. Lilly is right that this is an important conversation to have, but Tom is also right in wanting to go through some of the natural steps of relationship building. Dr. Pepper decides more in favor of Tom because, as Lilly says “I get it, women tend to get crazier than the man in a relationship.” (Please call Sonia and remind her of this!) Dr. Pepper did not let Tom completely off the hook though and give him the wise advice to “avoid getting into defense positions where fear is motivator.” (Love you, Dr. Pepper!)

Eventually Tom puts Lilly’s mind at ease, not with words but with his actions, which is even better. Even after telling us that toddlers are a-holes (truth), he throws himself into babysitting  Lilly’s niece. Clearly Tom is just a big kid himself, who seems to be totally in his element playing air hockey and crafting bubble blowers and fart noise makers. And eating so much he gets a food baby. (just can’t drop the baby talk!) Lilly gives more details on how awesome Tom did at babysitting in her blog for People. Wonder what Tom thought when he saw that while he was outside babysitting, Lilly and her sister were having such a fun time visualizing Tom living in a hotdog bus.bus

The we get to see Jim and Marie (yay!), who are so cute, flirting like crazy in the kitchen and saying sweet things like “Just being with your mother is so wonderful, she makes you feel warm and fuzzy.” Sonia is super positive, not only about having a mother in law, but getting cooking lessons from her and learning more about Nick.

Poor Nick is getting heaps of advice on how he needs to open up more and communicate better… but really seems at a loss as to what that looks like on a practical level. He genuinely seems to think he’s trying really hard.

Finally, this episode comes fully circle bringing us back to the Derek Heather decision day drama. And the worst cliffhanger ever. For anyone new to the show, this scene happens each season for all three couples. The premise of the show is that couples commit to staying married for six weeks. At the end of the six weeks, they sit down with one of the experts, who does a little recap of their experience, then asks each of them individually if they want to stay married or get a divorce.  In three season, there have been nine couples. Two are still together. One couple mutually decided to stay together at decision day, but divorced within a few months after. There was one couple in Season 3 that had a pretty rocky six weeks. They had mostly patched things up by the end, leading the wife to decide to stay married, but the husband asked for a divorce. (ouch). So, that leaves five couples, the majority, who have mutually decided to divorce.

So, anyway, those are the possible outcomes for Derek and Heather next week. As the voiceover has said, this is the first time the show has given an opportunity to a couple to jump straight to decisions day so soon.  What’s unknown is whether, should they choose to finish the experiment, will they have to go through decision day again at the end?  Is the cliffhanger a sign that they are divorcing sooner rather than later? (Like to keep them as part of the story line as long as possible.)

Heather dropped a few hints in this episode  that she might be willing give it another shot, but then in her interview for “Unfiltered”, she didn’t even utter Derek’s name, instead talking about marriage in vague futuristic terms. It was pretty clear that they didn’t stick it out for six weeks, so staying together until then seems futile.

Yes, we can argue all of the reasons why she could try harder and give it another chance. And those reasons may be positive and valid. But the reality is, her intuition is loudly yelling at her to get out, and a woman’s intuition is usually going to win over logic. Can’t judge her for that.  If she decides not to continue, it doesn’t make her cold and heartless or bad at relationships. It just means that this relationship didn’t work out for her. Hopefully the next one will. What do you think, do they stay together for two weeks? Six?

Married at First Sight Recap: Episode 6

Just a reminder that Married at First Sight is on the FYI TV Network and online at This is the fourth season of MAFS. Each season, three couples get married to a partner picked out for them by a team of experts after a rigorous selection process. The show follows them for six weeks to see if they’ll make it as a couple.

The first five episodes have revolved around wedding planning, the actual wedding and the honeymoon. This week all that fun and excitement is over and the drudgery of real life begins. This episode focuses on two of three couples, since the third, Derek and Heather, started to self-destruct the second day of the honeymoon and are taking a couple days to rest, regroup and determine if the fledgling relationship can be salvaged. (It’s unlikely – previous seasons have never seen a couple recover from this type of discord so soon. )

They might have well called this episode “thrown Under the Bus, since, after weeks of suspenseful buildup, this episode’s climax was all about Lilly’s reaction to finally finding out Tom lives in a bus. But first, we need our mandatory opener of these two gazing into each other’s eyes like high school sweethearts, talking about how happy they are. And once again with Nick and Sonia are stuck in the friend zone. While Tom brags about their bedroom compatibility, poor Sonia is still lamenting that she doesn’t even know if her husband finds her attractive.(Wasn’t Nick’s mom supposed to check in now and then to make sure he’s been telling her he does?)

While these two couples are recapping their week of honeymoon bliss, Derek and Heather’s husband and wife mugs get forlornly behind like used shampoo bottles as little black clouds of gloom follow them out of the hotel and to the airport.

Soon the couples are en route to the reality of living together in place sans room service and housekeeping. The couples have three options for moving in together: A. his place B. her place, or C. a fresh new rental. Option C, while more expensive, usually seems healthier as it provides neutral territory and shared ownership, where neither person feels like a guest.

Nick and Sonia face their biggest obstacle yet as they introduce Sonia to Nick’s dogs. Sonia handles herself so gracefully with the dogs, that she feels Nick misunderstands that she actually has a “legitimate fear” stemming from a childhood incident.

The best foreshadowing quote from Lilly, “I can’t wait to see your place. You haven’t told me anything.” Then she pulls into a trailer park and she immediately wishes she has Dr. Pepper on speed dial because “what the F” is up with this bait and switch? The independent, financially secure man that she demanded does not live in a trailer park.

Fortunately for all of us romantics out here in TV land, she keeps an open mind. Tom has put in to make the bus a comfortable living space, with a dash of adventure (because she asked for that too, right). Well, comfortable until the lights and hot water go out on her during a shower. And then we’re all like


A huge positive sign for these two is how well Tom was willing to move to a new place. Early on he mentioned that he’d broken up with previous girlfriends because they couldn’t accept the bus. Lilly doesn’t want to live the bus any more than they do, but simply the fact that she embraces it as part of what she admires about Tom, and Boom, that’s all it takes for him to.

Derek and Heather have an emergency meeting with Samuel L. Jackson Pastor Calvin, which is barely worth mentioning because nothing changes except we now have a bit of a cliffhanger regarding whether they’re going to last the full 6 weeks. In other words, we’ll find out if it in their contract to stay together for 6 weeks, or they’re released. Because they are clearly not choosing to stay together. (yes, I’m over being optimistic about these two.)

Next up is a MAFS first in which the couples are forced to reveal their salary and debt on national TV, then try to convince us that it’s only awkward telling the stranger they just married (which we’re not buying). In previous season, salary has been discussed in vague terms like “I’m financially secure.” Or not. Then we’re shown the rent costs of their new homes, so viewers can run the numbers and weigh in on whether the couples are making smart decisions and living within their means. I’m sure the social media trolls are having a blast with that.  (that, and with social worker Sonia rolling up in her Lexus)

Nick and Sonia find a home they love and don’t seem awkward at all talking about filling it with kids and dogs. (Sonia, he’s talking about making babies with you, please promise to never ever question whether he’s attracted to you?). Hopefully Nick realizes that the dogs have to stay out of the bed if kids are going to happen.

Lilly and Tom are full on adulting…. Lilly by cooking and Tom by washing his feet. Then our fave horny teens return to christen their new homes. Good night MAFS, see you next week!

Married at First Sight Recap: Episode 5

I’m getting caught up after a week off the grid! That’s right, my family really likes to road trip and camp, so we were disconnected for a while. We have lots of posts here on our pre-baby adventures, and we’ll be writing sharing what we’ve learned about camping with a baby. (We’ve written about plane travel with our little explorer.)

It’s a little surprising that another full episode of Married at First Sight is dedicated to honeymoons, given it’s only one week out of the six they have together prior to decision day. Maybe it’s the last time we’ll have all three couples together after Derek and Heather bail? But I’m jumping ahead.

We begin with Lilly and Tom, kissy faced and talking about falling in love with each other while Nick and Sonia are still in the friend zone. At least Sonia thinks her chaste week supersedes how she would have envisioned her honeymoon. Over another breakfast on the ironing board, they check in with each other about the previous night’s disagreement. Nick astutely points out that they followed a relationship commandment by not going to be angry. “Winning.”

A salsa lesson SHOULD be just the right thing to generate some romance between Sonia and Nick, but is instead just all sorts of awkward gringo Nick tripping all over himself. Then the enthusiastic instructor taking his duties a little too far when he coaches the couple on kissing, with an enthusiastic air kiss, MUWAHH. (like when our toddler gives me a big, sloppy open-mouth kiss, which is really him trying to bite my nose but I redirect it into a Muwahh kiss.)

Tom has a positive conversation with pastor Calvin, who helps Tom shed the heavy weight he’s been carrying about telling Lilly about bus sweet bus. “You don’t have to apologize for who you are, Tom,” says Pastor Calvin. Truth. With this burden lifted, Lilly can finally get through a day of her honeymoon without cryptic questions about exactly how “tiny” she can live. Under a stairwell? In a birdhouse? So, instead they make light banter on topics such as “what was your biggest failure.”

All of the couples head out for an adrenaline date because, as expert Rachel puts it, adrenaline and excitement translate well into the bedroom. (As rock climbers of course, we love this).

Tom and Lilly spend a ziplining outing complementing each other and waxing about how well they were matched. Nick and Sonia have progressed from friends to WNBA teammate status (that’s an option on Facebook, right?), as they compete to outperform each other in their various excursions, like kiteboarding and ATV-ing. Sonia let’s Nick “win” kiteboarding, although it’s barely a win, given his performance is barely noticeable until replayed in slow motion. (as he requested.)

Derek and Heather woke up playing nice for a few minutes and we were all, “hooray!” Thankfully, they seem to have moved on from their moral debate about whether smoking or drinking is more evil, but all sorts of crazy new debates creep in.

The couple goes surfing, even after the instructor makes the world’s worst joke about going out into shark infested waters. Of course this is only an excuse to hold Heather’s hand while out in the scary shark-filled surf. Derek’s jealously makes me think maybe he’s watched Along Came Polly too many times? “Hi, hello, are you for scuba?”

Derek and Heather immediately launch into a new debate about the definition of flirting which is grounds for an emergency conference call with pastor Calvin. While Heather is complaining that Derek is acting like a teenager, the other couples are also embracing their inner child. We see Lilly playing “hot lava” in the hotel room, while Nick and Sonia enjoy a yummy bed-timey snack (that’s what it was called in my house).

The last night of the honeymoon brings a romantic celebratory dinner. Tom carries Lilly to the table which is kinda sweet until he awkwardly maneuvers her into her chair. (Looking like I feel while positioning a toddler into his carseat without giving him a concussion on the door frame).

Heather follows pastor Cal’s advice to “knock the freaking walls down,” by getting sloppy drunk. Derek vascilates between optimism that she’s loosening up, flirting and having fun with him… then all of a sudden he’s complaining that she ruined the night by getting drunk. Which one is it, Derek?!!!

Then we get a glimpse into the Derek who has gone cold turkey from smoking and maybe the side of Derek that is so frustrating to Heather. Rational, positive well-spoken Derek suddenly busts out into a profanity laced rant about Heather being an old dog. Not cool, dude. I’m totally confused by these two – seems very unlikely that they’ll recover. What do you think, do you agree?

Married at First Sight Season 4 Recap: Episode 4, the Honeymoons

The suspense is really killing me this season. I mean, it does every season but this is like an emotional rollercoaster for the viewer. There is so much positivity and potential… then somber looking previews of Decision Day. I know I said that this season would be good not matter the outcome, and that’s still true. But gosh darn it, I want a happy ending for everyone!

So, we continue with the honeymoons, which expert Rachel tells are for “making happy memories. Then quickly learn that Tom and Lilly are making more than memories, they are making love.

According to Dr. Pepper the honeymoon allows them to relax now that their finally “alone”. Yes, totally alone with that camera crew in the hotel room. No big deal. We’re reminded of this when Tom and Lilly are filming a post-coital diary cam… with another camera on them, totally voiding the intimacy the diary cam is supposed to suggest. Tom’s Instagram gives us a peek at what the filming set up looks like.

Source: Tom Wilson Instagram

Crazy. So, is their off-camera time pre scheduled, so they know exactly what time to expect the camera in the morning? Do they just get like an hour notice to get ready, or do they call down when they’re awake and ready to go? Wouldn’t it kill the mood knowing you have to kiss and tell all of America the next morning?

Tom sums up the previous night by saying “We were both nervous and shaking with excitement,” making it sound more like maybe they were actually robbing a 7-11 together. No sign of nervous twitching out on the beach as Tom and Lilly flirt like crazy and lotion each other up with and suavely lotions Lilly up. Tom casually mentions that he made them some temporary wedding rings, so they could leave their real ones in the safe. Stop right there. We know he’s into restoration work but how exactly did he just make some rings? Like did he swipe a lighter and tin can of Beef-a-roni while at the 7-11 and weld some tin bands?

Tom also tells us that before the wedding he was always expecting the worst and hoping for the best out of marriage. But that what he and Lilly got from each other was way beyond what they expected.

I LOVE this so much! I’ve always said that Josh is not the man of my dreams. What I found in him greatly exceeded all my dreams. I mean, c’mon our life is amazing! He’s amazing.

After a day spent frolicking in waterfalls, it starts to rain so Tom and Lilly recreate their wedding ceremony (In his People blog Tom says he actually repeated his wedding vows to her… awww.)

This reminds me of a bad joke. What’s worse than when it’s raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis. Give yourself a minute. Got it? Good.

So with their crazy chemistry, it’s no surprise that Tom and Lilly were the first to do the deed. But Sonia opens up and admits that she has thought about it a lot (especially now that she’s seen him undressed) but is going to try hard not to have sex too quick. So, she and Nick continue creating some PG rated (not G, because there is a little bit of cleavage) honeymoon memories by going stand up paddle-boarding. Sonia is tackling her fear of water with this activity and “She’s kind of a badass,” sums up Nick.

This is also awesome because facing a fear together as a couple is SO powerful! So yes, Lilly and Tom, you do want to go skydiving together. We highly encourage this in our book. But this post from our team building blog explains how fear makes us vulnerable and builds mutual respect.

Nick and Sonia continue their fun day with a super lame looking horseback ride which was redeemed by the super romantic kiss they share beneath a waterfall at the end. A kiss that gave us viewers some hope that they aren’t actually just stuck in the friend zone while trying to convince themselves otherwise.

Meanwhile, the mood is more subdued with Heather and Derek as Derek’s smoking continues to create a divide between them. Heather confesses to him that she is super uncomfortable with his frequent smoking… and then should have stopped talking, instead of continuing on to tell him she is “so turned off”. That’s going to make any guy instantly defensive, and sure enough, Derek walks off feeling betrayed. Heather says she doesn’t know where to go from here and I’m yelling at her to please call Dr. Pepper, stat! Let her mediate this for you so you can enjoy the rest of your honeymoon!!

We’re ready to move on from this drama to more lovey-dovey sweetness, but instead are left like


Because out of nowhere, the other two couples are fighting. Especially confusing was Sonia’s emotional reaction to Nick’s comment about not wanting to rush anything. Maybe we didn’t see the whole conversation? But our hearts sink when Sonia tells us “I’m kinda over him.”

Tom and Lilly’s fight stems from yet another one of his unsuccessful attempt to “tell” Lilly about the bus he lives in without actually telling her the truth. And now it’s feeling like maybe this confession is becoming a bigger thing than it needs to be? And also starting to feel like a Dr. Suess rhyme:

Would you like a tiny house? One that’s built more for a mouse?

Would you live there in that yacht? Now that we have tied the knot?

What about a bus for us? One that’s not a lot of fuss?

You may like it, you will see, you may like it there with me.

Both of these arguments feel like more of a reaction to the stress and exhaustion of the whole experience, not as if they are going to send the relationships off course. Unlike Derek and Heather, whose ship seems to have sailed into an iceberg, after a painful second attempt to reconcile their differences on the definition of occasional and whose vice is more offensive.

Reflecting on this exchange, Heather looks like she’s modeling for her own line of sad face emojis. And I’m sad for them too. Even sadder after reading all the stupid social media comments from mean trolls judging Heather. Stop, just stop. She’s a real person.

The previews tease that things are looking a little brighter for Derek and Heather next episode… can’t wait to find out!


Season 4 Married at First Sight Recap: Episode 3

The wedding night has arrived and is ushered in by an ominous reminder from pastor Roberson that although these couples just met and don’t know a lot about each other, ”they are husband and wife. Legally. Married.”. Dun, dun, duuuuuun.”

Tension builds as we, along with Nick’s friends, make bets on who will consummate that legal marriage, and who won’t.

Rachel advises the couples to approach the night with an “optimistic point of view.” And we hear a lot of optimistic comments from the couples, like Tom “Seeing her sexy lips grab the strawberry and tear into it – kind of a turn on”

One thing that isn’t a turn on is Sonia’s (who’s looking super cute in her retro PJ’s) subtle jabs to Nick’s masculinity. First she fears that he’s too scrawny to carry her over the threshold. Then later she describes him “definitely a little metro,” with “girly ways” after hearing that he is the “best ironer alive.” (which makes him a keeper to every woman alive)

Heather is the only one doesn’t leave us in suspense, telling us flat out that she has “No intentions of having sex”. Later she clarifies that she eventually does want to be intimate but is conscience of “not making this feel like a hookup.” OK, we can respect that.

Sonia is hit with the realization that what’s really weird about this whole situation is not being in a hotel room with a stranger (let’s remember that one-night-stands happen), but the fact that there’s a camera man document her wedding night.

But because she can’t admit that on camera, she takes a self deprecating approach. “I’m terrible at this”, to which Nick replies “you’re perfect”. So sweet and subtle, just like his “I love her” from the previous episode.

18t69yWe Nick’s friends wait impatiently as we get the token shot of the Do Not Disturb sign as the hotel room door closes, then we skip ahead to the morning-after diary cam. Everyone is lovey dovey, snuggling and kissing in bed. OK, except Derek and Heather. They are not snuggling, they are discussing their favorite vegetables. (and mom’s across America argue that corn doesn’t count as a vegetable, it’s a starch).

But it’s just a tease as one-by-one they reveal that all three couples had a chaste night. Maybe that’s a good sign, as only one MAFS couple has (confessed to) DTD on the wedding night and they didn’t stay together.

Tom is a fount of imagery and after saying that meeting Lily was like “sparks and lightning bolts.” It’s hard to believe their wedding night was so uneventful. He addresses that by confirming that he’s really excited to make it happen. And “not just because I’m horny.” He’s happy to wait for the moment that’s going to be “like a champagne bottle and explode.”

Once diary cam duty is completed, the couples get to find out where they are honeymooning. Nick will get his first passport stamp in the Dominican while flight-attendant Heather being all “yawn”, off to Puerto Rico again.

Heather should be thankful that Derek’s not headed to Jamaica (more on that later) like Tom and Lily, and that because the show is doing well enough to earn a little product placement this season, she don’t have to honeymoon in Phoenix in June. (yes, that really happened in season 3, and that couple never recovered).

The Season 4 couples get off easy at the post wedding family brunch, it seems that expert Rachel has briefed the families that this is supposed to be a time of “encouragement and support.” Not just a time to joke about what did or didn’t happen the night before (which we’ve seen in previous season). The families follow their marching orders, as Lily (rocking her beautiful new necklace from Tom) tells us that she hasn’t heard negative things from anyone.

Expert Rachel checks in before departure and encourages the couples to spend their honeymoon “making memories.” But Tom tells us that he plans to take a break from his champagne dreams for some serious talk. He has to prepare Lily for the reality that he lives in a bus.

Previews hint that maybe he doesn’t get around to this… but he at least starts dropping hints, getting her to swear that she could “live anywhere.” Anywhere, really? Like one of those “Tiny houses” anywhere? So, Tom is satisfied that he’s sufficiently prepped Lily and she is sufficiently not “high maintenance.” But Pastor Roberson doesn’t let him off the hook.

“One of the red flags for Tom,” says Roberson, “and I don’t want to throw him under the bus… but he lives in one.” Har har.

But then he continues on to point out that “It’s important that he tells Lillian because after the honeymoon… they’re going there.” Good point.

Fortunately, Tom has more tricks up his sleeve. “My thing is that I’d much rather eat some food before talking about issues. Because when you’re hungry nothing good happens. Brilliant. This is the kind of quote that should be on a motivation calendar.

Rachel also has some seriously great relationship wisdom “vulnerability is important for this process… being willing to show the sides of you that you might not think someone would fall in love with but the probably would.” As Sonia’s teary reaction tells us, that can be so hard, to believe that someone out there could not only put up with, but actually love things about us that we consider flaws.

Soon though, Sonia and Nick have jetted off on their honeymoon and are bonding over corny jokes (S: “It’s kinda hot”. N: “or I’m kinda hot?”) and solidifying their soulmate status based on a mutual dislike of mustard.

Derek and Heather start out joking about which super power they would choose. Oh wait, even that is serious because Heather has “thought about this multiple times. Because it’s a big deal.” She would speak every language (OK, that’s actually a really good one).

But what is an actual big deal is the major anxiety Heather is getting as she gets to know more about Derek beyond his kind, laid back façade (or maybe the reason he is so good natured). “Derek smoked right before dinner. If I was going out with a guy and he’d been smoking, no way I’d go out with him again.” This isn’t Derek’s only vice, he also likes to drink and gamble. “I don’t want to be judgmental,” says Heather. “I want to give Derek chance to be himself. I want to make sure I don’t start getting pissy about little things.” Eat some food, Heather, eat some food.

Before anyone goes crying foul that Heather shouldn’t have been matched with a smoker, Dr. Pepper jumps in to defend the team. “During the process, Heather said she didn’t mind if someone smoked occasionally and of course we respected that. The point of this experiment is to start with commitment. Stop looking for flaws and start looking for why they were matched.”

Unfortunately some more digging reveals smoking to be Derek’s daily habit, and a quick visit to declares Heather to be the winner in this semantics debate. Occasionally is defined as “irregulary”, so she is correct in that something done every day would not be considered occasionally.

So this may be a SPOILER ALERT ….. but a tweet from Heather indicated that maybe it’s not just cigarettes that Derek is smoking? And that it’s enough of a problem to break their deal/vows? Hopefully not!

heather seidel ‏@heather_mafs  Aug 8

My dealbreakers:

Anger issues

Violent tendencies

Substance abuse issues #realtalk